Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Dirty Farm Girl

Yesterday was a torrent of unnecessary stress as a friend informed me he couldn't access this here blog because it was flagged as porn.  Yes, folks, life on the farm is porny.  This was after I posted on Facebook "Loves Racking Off!" a term which means to siphon hard cider from one carboy to another, a term that sounds funny if you know what it really means, but frightening if you don't know...which apparently people don't.  This all sent me into a frivolous tizzy, partly because my past is clogged with religious zealots eager to find offense.  Although I find nothing flag worthy in here myself, some of them just might... I honestly don't know... it's hard to read the minds of the religiously insane.


Then I wondered if it wasn't a mix-up of all the other Sarajoy Fresh!  items on Google's tap. That is one scary Google indeed!  Sara Jay loves it all over her face!  And then there's the misstep of simply Googling my entire name because there is a Dutch bestiality star by the same handle.  She also specializes in hand spanking.  I don't know... it's probably just an add for tires if you click on it.  Someone else can do that and report back.


But as it turns out, it was a server problem (that NEVER happens at the Playboy Club! I recently taught Huck the bunny dip after reading Hep Hef's bio and now he serves me all my drinks by turning around and dipping down to set it on the table.  Now for the tail!) and it was suggested that a workplace filter might filter out any blogspot addresses, just on the off chance.  


But you know, I never did like being falsely accused!  I was accused and punished in High School for going on a walk with a friend, because the Head Master (who resigned quickly and under a cloud a few years later) saw us head off down a trail in the woods and thought: "SEX!!!"  The boy was suspended and we were banished from speaking for the rest of the year.  Until we became the forbidden fruit, we never even held hands.  And then I ill-fatedly married him post haste so that I could taste that there fruit without it being so forbidden.  That person was pre-Huck.  


A few years ago, I was pulled aside and given a private lecture by a woman who later turned out to have been "visiting family" but was instead routinely cheating on her husband via interstate orgies.  And SHE had a problem with my few dorky jokes about carrots and shoyulong cucumbers.  THAT was dirty, especially now that we had kids.  Go figure!


All this to say that I HATE being falsely accused by hypocrites.  If I'm going to do the time (even just by some random office filter) I AM going to do the crime.  Hell, who am I to deny some search engine it's fantasy?  Really.  What am I waiting for?  I have no job, no boss, no snow white reputation.  I'm not looking for a spouse or a job (although this will be the first deleted post if I ever start!). I suppose there are corporate head hunters all around, but I doubt I'm in ANYONE's crosshairs.  So what am I so afraid of?  All those witch-hunters from my past who I accidentally friended on Facebook after an extended meditation after which I erroneously thought I could/should love everyone?  (if you are reading this, I'm probably not talking about you!)  Am I afraid of them?  Hell no!  I welcome the constant criticism!  I throw myself willingly into their spikey, poisoned embraces!  Criticize THIS!


I had a photographer come out this morning and take shot some shots of me working hard on the farm
Sarajoy finds this spigot is frozen shut!
oh!  There is goes!
Every hard working farm girl deserves a break now and then!
This ground is so cold!
I left my pocket knife in my other pocket!  Now I have to use baling twine to burn through baling twine!
Sarajoy loves the feel of fresh huge snowflakes on her cheek!
Sarajoy also loves the feel of rough, tough work gloves!
Sarajoy loves to lift humongous loads of Timothy Hay!!! 
Time to get dirty!
Fresh cow shit!
I love cow shit!
Fresh, hot, steaming cow shit all over my face! Oh my god!!
Now, it's time for both of us to start breathing again.

8 comments:

  1. That may be the most entertaining blog post I have ever read. I had no idea what I was starting.

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  2. hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God I LOVE the photos.

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  3. You are a funny, funny woman!

    Awesome!

    Erin (hopefully one of the non-insane people from your past ;)

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  4. Dear Erin, of course! If you can read that without getting uptight, OF COURSE you are not one of the nuts!! It is also possible that the religiously insane reside solely in my head and I'm projecting it on to people I never really understood to begin with.

    Dear Scott, Imagine, this mountain was once just a little mole hill.

    Dear Dorkus: Thanks for the repost!

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  5. So awesome! I love the photo shoot. I now have you as a pinup in our kitchen.

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  6. You probably never thought you would enjoy server problems so much. --Katney from the Forum.

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  7. Sara,

    No, there was definitely some craziness going on in the place where we spent part of our mutual adolescence. Now that you mention it, I remember the incident you mentioned, and that was definitely a little crazy.

    That said, based on a few conversations w/friends who grew up in church, but in the Pacific NW rather than the South, I think some of what you went through might have been culture shock as well as religion. I went through some of that myself.

    Erin

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  8. Ha!!! My favorite is the first one with the water spicket. And the fresh steaming cow shit all over my face! I would rather have cow shit ll over my face that other things. Have you ever considered being a comedian?? You have such a great sense of humor.

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