1) Hendrika kicked the bucket. Hoof: really shitty. Gallon of milk: vanished into a fresh pile. Just getting a head start on the theme for the day.
2) Promised kids pancakes for breakfast. No pancake mix. The time calculations relied on the minute-shaving mix. But I figure pancake mix is over-rated and we were just finishing a bag from a camping trip. It's mildly more convenient. So it was buckwheat from scratch. I'm still unruffled.
3) Half way into pancakes I find, or rather don't find, that we lack maple syrup. I whip up strawberry syrup with our frozen summer strawberries. I remain un-peeved.
4) Huck and I begin a very heated discussion involving left-overs of all things.
5) Coyote is screaming at the CD player, trying to make it go. Finally Reggae for Kids blares.
6) Dishwasher starts hemorrhaging all over the floor. I slip across the wet tiles while the pancakes burn. "Mommy! Mine's crunchy!!" and "Three Little Birds" shout through the dining room.
7) A container of rice falls and cracks. And so do I. In my frustration, I pick up the container and hurl it down the basement stairs. (It's a genetic disorder that is never aimed at people.) And "children don't worry 'bout a thing" blares in the corner.
8) Blue is late for the bus. "Every little thing is gonna be all right."
9) Huck is late for work. "Smiled at the rising sun" repeats until I finally shut it off.
10) Coyote and I spend most of the morning chasing down rice before the mice find out about it. And I spend the rest of the day washing dishes by hand.
We all have these mornings. And this was mine.
Now I'm headed for a ladies night out with a bunch of strangers. Happy they thought to invite me, my husband's coworkers. But I miss my old friends, the one's I could be myself with and they wouldn't get scared and run away. And now I'm wishing I'd been the one to kick the bucket, fall down the stairs, crack and hemorrhage this morning. At least I would have a great excuse to not meet anyone new.
But at midnight tonight, I fully expect the bells to toll and to find myself again, a princess at home in a simple, manageable, friendly world with no accidents waiting to happen. That's not a fairy tale, right?
Just humor me, please.