Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Rich, Robust, Bold, Full-Body!

I have a major crush on Bob! Dream come true!
Suddenly, this rushing sensation of glee filled me and I knew, I knew down to my pinky toes, up to the tip of my hairy pate, MY LIFE IS AWESOME.  Until that moment, it had been a mellow vacation.  My typical malaise, my hereditary and horoscopical melancholy had put down roots.  I blamed summer and its complete lack of uninterruptable space and the impossibility of goals (other than the one that goes: "make it to the next moment.") Lacking goals is difficult for we goal oriented folks. Also, goals that are too big, poorly defined, and unaccomplishable are also depressing.  But I had set before me a goal this summer of not having any goals other than enjoying the days with my children because I had Buddhistically blamed goals as creating stress where none needed to be.  So, away with stress = away with goals.  And that was the root of my suffering. 

Blue did learn to surf "the soup" this trip, just not in this guise
What changed this malaise?  I had an effing cup of coffee!  After 15 years.

My father has always been a 10 cup-a-day guy.  And this helps him just maintain an upright position. Some times.  I grew up thinking this was normal.  So when I started legally working, not in berry fields but in what I suspect was Bellingham's first expresso cafe, I started drinking, heavily.  Lattes are not bitter black church coffee. Mochas are like candy bars.

When I transferred to South Carolina, a sympathetic teacher told me to go into the teacher's lounge and get myself some coffee.  "I can do that?"  I asked.  "Just pretend you're getting it for me.  Ninety percent of life is looking like you know what you're doing, like your supposed to be there."  That was both a disconcerting statement coming from a teacher but also the truest moment of education in my entire educational career, and yet I still have trouble with it. So I drank coffee at school.

This picture is a funny story that I don't have room to tell in the caption
Coyote's drip-castles
But some time in my early 20's I realized that it might actually be possible for me to pass myself off as "normal" if I cut down on coffee. Why would I want to do that, be normal and all?  At that time, I was working 40 hours a week, plus taking 25 credits at the community college (causing serious mono), plus having just been royally dumped by my first husband I was experiencing massive stress over my value as a person, my likability index, my sex appeal and my future, plus having relocated to my old hometown in which NONE of my old friends lived, except the one that was WAY too busy doing cool stuff like snowboarding to hang out with me (that's what she said! especially nice to hear in my time of lowest self-esteem) caused the unfortunate epiphany that I was being summarily rejected by MY hometown = anxiety attacks!  And I quit coffee.  Quit Sudafed for my sinus infections.  Quit wondering if I should try cocaine or meth. And recently had to quit a dentist who insisted on using epinephrine in his Novocaine.  

Legoland's depiction of my fav Star Wars scene
Black tea, green tea, herbal tea.  The past 15 years has been a menage a trois of low caffeine.  First there was this one morning in Wenatchee in May 2012 where I had the best cup of coffee from Alpine Coffee Roasters (I have a birthday coming up in two short months: HINT HINT) Followed by an occasional so-so cup here and there. And I started to think that the doctor may be calling me again.  So then I drank this cup at Mission Beach. And I suddenly knew what a brilliant success I had made of my life.  I knew that I have done everything I ever wanted to do. I traveled the world when I wanted to travel. And I have Chosen to be a stay-at-home mom/farmer.  I am not at all stuck in some algae-green backwater of civilization watching the river of life pass me by with it's unattainable white water adventures.  No, I chose tranquility when I was ready for it.  I chose a sense of place, meaningful rich relationships with people and animal and land.  I have claimed my destiny as human-extraordinaire.  And damn it, if I'm not grand at being human.  A small human, with a small life, but an exquisitely beautiful life, like a ruby, like a finely restored one-bedroom bungalow, like a potato beetle, like a grain of sand reflecting the sun and the stars as it sparkles beneath the pounding waves of life.  Yes!  My life is effing amazing!  Hell, I AM AMAZING! 

Blue and Lego-Tut
And so, I took stock of the moment.  What could possibly be causing this euphoria, this foreign un-malasious moment in my life?  And in the morning, of all the godforsaken, unlikely times of day, especially after a night of non-sleep on the raucous, engine-rev-y, siren-y Mission Boulevard.  And I looked in my hand.  And in it was this brown 1970's flowered cup.  And like the layered petals of a rose, within that cup was something even more wonderful and fragrant.  It was coffee. The "wine of the bean."  With milk.  I will never be the same again.  Dear God, or myself, or the grand universe with whom I am one, with deep gratitude, I want to thank you this day for keeping anyone from making this beautiful drug illegal.  I want to thank you again but for a new reason for the ancient Sufi's of Ethiopia, the perceptive and creative  fathers of coffee and who I now want to marry and have their babies.  Amen. AMEN!!!!!!!  AMEN!!!!!!!


  1. Your affection for that little brown agricultural treasure has a long historical precedence. The ancient Aztecs held that both coffee and chocolate were sacred and their use was reserved exclusively for royalty. However, unlike us, they chewed the coffee beans and brewed a beverage with the chocolate. It would take modern civilization to realize coffee's full potential. Anyone found to be in possession of coffee beans who was not royalty was summarily executed.

    While I do not share the ancient's views on capital punishment, I do believe that they held these substances in the appropriate esteem.

  2. I can see why some would risk execution! As long as I can keep the anxiety, misspelling and bad grammar out of it, I think coffee and I are going to be a long and fruitful relationship.



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