So. Here it is. My big announcement. Perhaps premature. But I've waited almost a month already. That's a long time for a big mouth like me.
I'm in love.
With an object.
It's a house.
And I appear to be buying it.
I'm crushing so hard on this house. I think about it constantly. It actually makes my little heart go pitter patter and I get dizzy. It's like Stacy Brisky's 8th grade thing for Kirk Cameron. I'd slather this apartment with posters of it. I'd slide it's photo under the plastic of my trapper keeper.
Coyote loves this soft rock station and I consented to listen to it 1/2 time. But I love it now too. I sing along with the schmultiest love songs: to this house. I see myself in a video, soft on the edges. I'm running through the prairie, sparkling with wild flowers, passionate poppies, I think. I'm running in a flowing sun dress. I'm running. My arms open wide and I collide with the corner of the house. When I recover, I kiss it's white siding. And then we cut to the sunset. I'm snuggled on the front porch. It's railings wrap around me. The pink light bathes our faces in shades of new love. Celine Dion sings in the field beside us.
This is the house I wanted to raise my kids in. This is the house.
Grandiose it is not. Chandelier-y: no. Wide, curving, spindled stair case: No. Daddy Warbucks: absolutely not. Me: YES! YES! YES!
It's perched up on a high plateau called Paradise Prairie (and that's not just in my head!). It is white. It has green trim. It is a restored 1901 farm house. Farm house: solid, functional, the real stuff. Solid wood floors. Ornate moldings. 2 x 4's that measure 2" x 4". Tiled sun room. Claw foot bathtub. But it's got all the new stuff too: new electrical, new plumbing, new kitchen with ornate slate everywhere, new foundation with a rock facade, new basement (which is 1 1/2 times the size of this place! And that's just the basement!), new heating, new everything, but the stuff that should be old!
And it's on 5 acres of prairie, with a new horse barn and a new garage. The dirt is considered top of the line for the region with a Rosarium next door. It's on a dead end country road with very little traffic.
And it's a 15 minute commute for Huck: door to door!
The down sides: the school situation is kind of confusing. And the mortgage is out of our comfort zone. But if this last year has taught me anything it's that the quality of my home REALLY matters to my mental health. Not everyone is like that, I know. Maybe it's just the Libra in me. But I NEED a good home. And I'm willing to pay for it.
I can scarcely believe my good fortune. I feel the angels of Anne and Laura watching over me. I feel, in part, undeserving of this good fortune. And yet, I also feel that I've earned it, as much as anyone earns it. I worked hard while Huck was in school so that we wouldn't have to go into debilitating debt. I did without so that we could do without credit cards. I drove an embarrassing crap-mobile so we wouldn't have car debt either. And this past year has been vicious: sleepless nights, tears, weeping, gnashing of teeth, the worst fears, the ego decimation, the humiliation, the cramped quarters, the loss of 1/2 my belongings (which is interesting since we are *hopefully* moving into a space 4x as big as this one!).
Some one has to live in an old farm house on Paradise Prairie. And it might as well be me.
If some one could have told me that at the end of this shit-rainbow, there'd be this honey pot, I could have endured it better. But all in all, I think I did a rip-snortin' good job, anyway.
Some of you may think it's wrong to love an object. And maybe it is. But a 108 year old house is not a mere object. It's not some Wal-mart book bag. It's almost a living thing.
And now I'm worried I may be jinxing it by talking about it (that's why there are no pictures here). We've got 3 weeks left to go. And the financing is the big question. The banks are just a little skittish these days and the mortgage is just a little bit of a stretch for us. So: collective crossing of the fingers please! And lets not say another word about it until the deal is sealed.
Thanks for sharing my joy!