Monday, February 9, 2009

If you don't know me by now

I don't like to read about cats...yet I think I'm going to write about one! I don't understand it myself, either!

Our cat, King Louis, seems completely confused my us. He's lived with us 5 years now, and he still doesn't get it. Or maybe he "got" us at one point, but is getting old enough to loose it. Here are his questions, as I understand them:

1) How can they sleep all night long? What a waste! Day is for sleeping. Fools.

2) Why do they sleep past 4 am? I won't let them do that to me. No way. Not me. I will claw their pillows until they let me out! I will fight for my rights!

3) Why do they drink out of these tiny little cups when there are several gallons of perfectly drinkable water in the toilet.

4) The monster on the leash. They let it out once a week. It roars around. Then they tuck it away. I've seen pit bulls like this. Don't they understand that keeping one of those around can only result in disaster? One of these days that thing is going to suck somebody up. And won't they be sorry then!

5) Why are they always stepping on me? Everywhere they go, they find a way to trip over me or step on me. And then they blame me for it. Like it's my bright idea to have feet sticking out 9 to 10 inches from your ankles. Who can keep track of that kind of protrusion!

6) Why don't they like disemboweled and beheaded birds on their front porch? An unpredictable ball, okay. But a few feathers? Hell no.

7) Why don't they enjoy it when I pet them? They yelp and scream. What's up with that? Grow some fur already, folks!

There. I've done it now. I wrote about my cat. I promise, this will be the low point of the blog. Please direct all complaints to the service department at 1-800-IDO-N'TGIVEASHIT.

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